Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
