well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
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I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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