so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
