you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
