oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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