Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
