We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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