sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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