can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
