3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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