I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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