guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
even my farts smell like vagina
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
