why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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