i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
