I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
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I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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