Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
