I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Duck Duck Cougar?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
