We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
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Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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