I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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