just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
