I cockslap morals
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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