I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
