proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
