I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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