Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
