The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I puked a lego.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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