I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
