I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
