How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I met the friendliest cop last night
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
did i walk over a car last night?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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