Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
