she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
