man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
