It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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