I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
