another moral hangover. fuck.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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