with your own penis?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
