ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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