So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
