If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
