So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
