I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just high enough for therapy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
