Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
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So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
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Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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