My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
