Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
