If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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