i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
