I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize