from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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