im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
