Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Need sex. Gaining weight.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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