he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
