I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He has the fingertips of a God
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
