Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
