I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
