Need sex. Gaining weight.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
