drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
