just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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