I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
