Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
