before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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