im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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