Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
