i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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