You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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