i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
