i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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