someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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