M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
