pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
