I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
