i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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