Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
