I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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