Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
