there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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