Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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