I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
