I wish I could punch you in the face.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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