first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
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THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
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yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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