he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
