just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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