I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
