:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
