Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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